recent thematic occurences

Every now and again in my life there are repetitions of ideas or words or conversations - it happens to everyone that I know, sometimes more, sometimes less, but it is difficult to go an entire year without a day of someThing. There were two things recently - one of which I cannot remember, the other was Mystic. As in Pizza and Connecticut. I wondered where it would lead. There are some themes which are not really for contemplation, rather they are like the flashing light for don't walk or slow down or almost to go.

It helps to counteract the beginnings of the cool down after the move. I am gaining weight, the kittens are well and healthy, the job is being what it is, but it isn't changing, and suddenly the past is swooping in on soft huge wings to cover and smother me when I am making turkey soup or sorting through cards or reading a beloved book, or doing crosswords.

The distraction back to the world of productive thought is a good and useful and enjoyed and somewhat desperately grabbed.

I think of the quiet and dark of the womb - well, quiet, not so much, but definitely dark. The quiet is for the cave of the bears who pace in my psyche, comfortable in their sleep, sharing dreams and birth and rest all winter until the spring comes and I am again given to the wandering, snuffling loss of my self into the world. Summer is a time of great confusion for me, it always has been. Winter is the time when I know myself best, when I am most at peace. And this year, I can be at peace without a draft on my face.

The books I find seem to be filled with rhythms and words that I understand in a way I could not have imagined even months ago. I find the goddess a carefully approached entity, I am careful not to get too close, for I know how easily she folds you in to herself. But I cannot stay away for long. I enjoy too much the danger of treading close to the fire, to the energy of the words, that place where all could be lost is where I find what that is.

Now I am hungry and must go downstairs to make some bad food for my tummy. All are well and healthy and maneuvering through this season joyfully if not smiling.