This is just how it is

My Lent-like ends on April 3. I've already decided on the meal that will break my Lent-like-en fast: Singapore Noodles from Happy Garden, the Chinese take-out on the corner. Even in a town this small, there is a corner Chinese take-out.

I gave up drinking, meat, smoking and not practicing yoga for my Lent-like (so-called because I defined the dates of beginning and end and do not observe the Sabbath or Easter, except in respect to friends who are of faith)(I probably ought to write something more explanatory (I really want 'explicatory' to be a word, btw) but now it is not the time). The length of my fast was planned to be 42 days. (This is not accidental) I have observed all of my prohibitions, except for 2 days (which I planned into the experience because of the knowledge that Stuff and Things happen and sometimes, that pork cutlet is just what you need to eat) and for the most part, it has been relatively unstressful. I went vegetarian in order to spur some creativity in my diet. I went dry because why the hell not? I quit smoking because practicing yoga is easier when your lungs work and your breath smells better than an ashtray filled with cat piss. All of these things were very simple decisions to make and they have been simple enough to keep making.

Last week I noticed that I miss chicken wings. That's really all. I mean, I miss a hamburger for a moment every now and again, but I really miss chicken wings. I don't even eat them all that often. Like once a year, maybe. Apparently, this is my once a year and I'm not gonna have them for 2 more weeks. When they will be et in honor of someone else's birthday.

Yesterday I noticed that I miss alcohol. I like wine. I like beer. and I would like to have some. And I am not going to until probably Tuesday or Wednesday after my fast is broken. (I am not punishing myself with these prohibitions, and I am not suffering, just realigning my life)

The world is a not so cuddly place right now for many people. Jobs have been denied, relationships have ended and I've been denied to graduate school. Earthquakes and cyclones and unrest abound. Today would be a really good day to buy a bottle of wine and sit around and vetch with friends.

I am sad that that cannot happen.
I am sad that so much depended on all of the things that did not happen.
I am sad for the people that I love who hurt.
I am sad for the people that I do not know who hurt.

My response to these sorrows must be different that I am used to. They are all part of life. This is what happens. The immediate effects will fade, all the immediate sadness and frustration and anger.

Here are the words I have to rely on to give my mind its vent. And then the practice that builds my back muscles and reminds me that things change. It is new.

Everyday is the worst day of someone's life. Thoughtfulness and kindness travel well in small doses.

So, if y'all go out and have a beer today, would you raise a toast to the health and well-being of loved ones? And laugh together, and be gentle with each other. Resilience is one thing, but damn if the world isn't a fragile place right now.