The semantics of stillness confound and frequently frustrate me.
Calm, Still, Relaxed, Chill.
Zen and Relaxed are not the same thing.
It is possible to take life not personally while still in motion.
One friend acknowledges the undeveloped ability to stop,
another asks what I fear.
Legitimate responses, and worth considering.
My current result is this:
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to make of myself.
One day that self made herself known and made it quite clear that she had things to do.
I could stop worrying, and just be still.
I learn stillness in small increments and define it gently.
As any skill, these things take time.
Time at the whim of a feline,
Time at the side of a telephone,
Time shared in chairs reading different books in silence.
As any life skill, it changes everything subtly.
Subtlety is defined as the set of all things that are not defined as me.
It is a skill.
Fuck.
I kind of like not having that one...
(not a poem, just written with lots of space so that I see what the words say)
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